i was so happy when i saw the top of my apartment building from afar the other day on the way back from navan. been away for 2 weeks almost brought tears to my eyes when i stepped into apartment door, i mean i was just grateful to be here again, i don't know why i feel such melodramatic emotion. arghhh......first thing i do was lay down on my beloved couch and stretched my legs, felt so good after 3 hours behind the wheel. turned on the tv and just left it on while i fell asleep. i finally home.
there is so many things i have to now that i'm back. no more procrastination, but i can't help it. hate the thought of i wasn't here for some time, went out making a little money to live and i deserve some time off to chill out. the excuse seems justified and i fell for it everytime. like right now i should be cleaning my apartment and do my laundry etc. instead here i am blogging. i'm so lazy and have no will power against myself. ok now i'm being too hard on myself. ok i think i have one more lazy and non-productive day, by tomorrow everything HAVE to be running at full speed!!!! yes that's the plan.
nothing much happening in the recent weeks. i was working, working and i guess working some more. it was good and i enjoyed it for once. guess the new crowd in this hospital are more enthusiastic, fun and laid back i must say. good to be around them. going back there again is definitely on the card if they need me. hopefully it stays that way. i came across quite good cases actually in such short period of time. one in particular was this really nice lady. she is in her 80's but a really good 80ish year old lady, hard to come by someone better than her for her age. she had low rectal cancer, unfortunately for her it has gone into some other part of her body. she had radiotherapy as a palliative measure. she is so nice when you speak to her, really frail looking and i feel sorry for her. i've seen fair enough number of patients whose life were about to end but this one just blew me away. at a round one day we asked her what can we do for her, she said very politely
" i'd be happy if i could get my glasses so i can read again, haven't read for a while coz i can't see the writings" that was unexpected, and it moved me. this lady is dying and she wanted to read. there's nothing more that we could do for her, it saddened me all of a sudden. later i made sure she got her glasses, turned out she has cataract in both eyes which has gotten worse in this year, she ought to get those operated on a few weeks ago but now she is not fit for any surgery. this poor lady could't get her wish in the end. i was crushed wish i could do more.............
i thought by now that i've worked and seen so many adversity and misfortune on people you feel immune to it. of course we sympathize and empathize those unfortunate souls. i guess there'll be couple odd ones out that would touch you and move you deeply along the way and it reminds you how vulnerable and unpredictable humans lives are, then it occured to me what future holds for me and what is waiting for me down the road. we are so, so weak and we can only do so much despite our hi-tech medical advances and knowledge, after that we just hope and pray for the best. unknowingly this is what i was taught as a child the concept of faith in destiny or the qada' & qadar. that we have the free will to steer our lives in any way that we want but eventually it's up to this force whether we got there or otherwise - a.k.a god will.
