sunday morning..........

finally come sunday, yes i'm getting outta here, thank god although in less than 24 hours i will be coming back again to this place. it just occured to me that i have only 20 days left working in this place. after 2 years of busting my ass from one specialty to the other, i would be lying if i say i will not going to miss this place, it is like cork, i never consider it as my place of choice to live however i feel attached to it somehow. it grew on me over the years and so did this hospital, without you know it you actually become part of the place and there would be "separation anxiety" like emotion when leaving here. it made me realize though that in my whole life i never got what i wanted....i guess, instead i always end up with the next best thing. as i see it, the end results were not as bad. feels like there was a pattern in life, that throughout the course of your life you can almost predict which path you going to end up with and it just happened. i bet you guys don't have a clue what i'm talking about but it seems to me that's the way my life is to date. i used to be so scared not knowing what's gonna happened in my future, i gotta have a plan and forecast of where would i be, what i'm gonna do and how is it gonna be done but now i couldn't care less of all those s"*t. feels like i have no control at all so why bother. i would blame my job which is distracting and time that moves so fast that goes away while i haven't had time to grasp the reality at that particular moment. just like missing a train that doesn't stop at a station and the only mean to get on it is to hop in and when you keep missing it everytime coz you are not fast enough to catch it the longer it takes to get to the destination and the more stuff that would happen along the journey you're gonna miss. this is sleep deprivation talking well i'm sure nobody would understand anyway. the best thing to do at this moment is to get some sleep and i bet i would want to delete this entry when i read it again later after i gain my sanity back